Hi I'm New and I need your help

[Laurena Cassetta De Amaya Paz]

First, Hi my name is Laurena and you can learn a lot about me if you check out my page.

 

I have been living with ADD {attention deficet disorder} my entire life and recently found out that, due to how I was raised/treated growing up i have a mild case of BDD {body dysmorphic disorder} and my husband, Marlon is not understanding how severe and serious my mental health issues are and he keeps getting mad at me telling me it's all in my head and if I don't let myself think about it then it won't bother me, what he isn't getting is that I can't make it go away. I was raised to believe these things about myself, although he may not think they are true they are the things I literally see when I look in the mirror and literally feel when I see how much I lack, more then physically but all around I just feel not good enough for anything.. the problem of him not understanding is now affecting our relationship to a major extent. He thinks we can work through this together and I don't need a doctor, I feel that I do because I need to re-learn how to think, feel and look about/at myself. Also, he can't really help me if he is at work six days a week for twelve hours, you know? I know it makes him sound like a bad person to be acting that way but please don't judge him.. that is why I am calling out for help. I know that in Honduras mental health issues are not a big deal, one of my best friends- Billie- explaind that to me when he told me WHY Marlon just doesn't get it. I was robbed of my culture growing up so there is a lot i dont know/understand and I beg you please don't judge me but help me make him understand that I really REALLY need help. I dont want my mental health to push us any further apart.

Thank you

[cloud.eah]

Laurena,
Welcome to Latinitas! I can understand where you are coming from because as women and sometimes being treated by family members as if there was something wrong with us we start believing it and it's hard to get rid of or run away from it, by ourselves. I do believe you should seek help and I can tell you I am also married and it's hard to convince husbands of certain things. I think what your friend Billie was trying to tell you is that in Latin American countries is not that mental health issues are not a big deal or important is just that people are so poor to get this kind of help that they kind of push these issues to the side and act like if they don't exist. For example, in some parts of Europe its included in their health plan for everyone to visit a psychologist once a year, like how you would visit your dentist, a check up to see if everything is ok. Latin America is too poor. The same goes with going to the doctors office when something hurts, "just rub vicks on it" or "wait for the pain to go away". I think you should seek professional help and I know there are a lot of places that are free resource center for mental health, look for those centers in your city. Best of Luck with everything!

[Laurena Cassetta De Amaya Paz]

Thank you for the welcome, im happy to have found a place like this!! I so wanted to be closer to my culture my whole life and its great to see a place just for latinas!
I totally get everything your saying, my grandparents are like "use vicks" for everything and my dad's always like "its growing pains itll go away" whenever ne thing ever hurt and my husband too, we always have a huge thing of vicks vapor rub and the little cough drop things which are WAYY amazing lol. I get about the poverty thing too, i was born in the Bronx n we had no money but talking to Billie and living with my husband and being around the community here i have realized that as poor as we were in the Bronx we were still way rich in comparison to Latin America. And yet growing up my dad didnt want me seeing a psychiatrist even after i was raped, it was hard to deal with on my own but my dad is a private man soo i just figured it out, i really really have always wanted to see a psych and now that Im out of his house i felt like i finally could buut no, now i have my husband telling me its too much money we can do it on our own but we had a huge fight on valentines night and he said that im acomplejada and he finally is seeing that i DO really need help, we had a long talk about it last night n he said that hes totally gonna support me seeing someone but he just wants me to wait till he gets a job in construction so that we have more money. Thank you

[Alicia]

I think you took a great step by looking for help. It isn't in your head. These are real challenges that you are dealing with and it is healthy to talk about it and seek help. These problems don't just go away and you can't just shut it off. I think you've taken a great first step. Sometimes, I feel like my family members don't like to talk about problems like these - like if we ignore them, they'll go away. That isn't the reality. In order to begin the healing process, we need help. You might not get the support you need from your loved ones, but you can look elsewhere. I've had some friends go through similar situations and I know that going to a therapist and joining a support group really helped. I definitely don't encourage keeping it in. Maybe a support group is a good option for you. Remember, you are not alone. Buena suerte hermana.

[Laurena Cassetta De Amaya Paz]

Muchas Gracias!
We got in a huge fight on valentines night and he said that im acomplejada and he finally is seeing that i DO really need help, we had a long talk about it the other night aswell and he said that hes totally gonna support me seeing someone but he just wants me to wait till he gets a job in construction so that we have more money, but the other day we got some luck. I went to visit my mother and something was nagging and nagging me to tell her so I did. I tried to make it sound like i didn't tell the Dr. about my family issues as much as possible so she wouldn't get mad and she ended up deciding that she wants to help me pay as long as its a between-her-and-I type thing. Thank you so much for your support, my doctor got me a free consultation with a friend of hers who is a councler and can see what is my best corse of action

[Brooke M]

Greetings,
There are some great books out there to help transform the mental states that can overwhelm our daily lives. I really like "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. You can get it pretty cheap from Amazon.com plus it's all all bookstores. Basically it teaches you how to create positive productive thoughts that help you have more control over your life. Furthermore, it helps to prevent you from making yourself wrong. To me we can be our biggest critics and it doesn't make sense how hard we can be on ourselves. Books like this teach you that you are human just like everyone else. His four agreements are: Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. I've also done some more intensive transformational workshops that have helped me tremendously in all the relationships of my life. I had my husband take these workshops before we got married and our relationship is very strong with no judgement. We live with the attitude of "what's possible for us?" Take Care -Brooke

[Laurena Cassetta De Amaya Paz]

I love Don Miguel Ruiz, he is one of my favorite writers!! I have read a lot of his stuff and it does help for awhile unfortunately my issues are chronic and just keep coming back and then I have to read it again and again. Thats kind of why I am worried about seeing a professional, I'm worried it my issues will just keep coming back anyway- ya know? It may be true that I am my hardest Judge but in my eyes everyone else is, i feel like i am constantly under the microscope and I cant escape that. I hope that seeing a professional will help but I don't know.. Thank you for your reply

[Melissa]

Hi Laurena,
I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I think all girls/women in today's society face body image issues. I'm not married either, so I can't say I know about that. But, what I do know is that open communication helps any relationship. I think if you give your husband examples of struggles you faced during your childhood, it will help him better understand your current situation. I know it's never easy to deal with something when you feel no one understands, but there are people out there who are going through the same thing you are. I also suggest, you look online for resources like chats or forums where there are other people going through ADD and BDD, they can give you specific suggestions as to how you can help your family see what you are going through. Don't give up hope, there are place and people where you can find help! For me personally, when I am going through a large struggle I make sure to get deep into my faith and prayers.
I will be praying for you,
Melissa

[Marisol Guzman]

Hi Laurena,
Going through this discussion forum I noticed that you were battling some pretty serious issues and I'm really glad that our fellow Latinitas were here to give you some good advice. You did good by seeking help because there comes a point in time where we can't handle everything that life hands us and it's definitely a good thing to ask others for help. This discussion was posted several months ago, so I now wonder how you are doing. Have you continued with the counseling? Has you seen an improvement in yourself and your family? What has happened since then? I really hope things are looking up for you :)