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Deaths are always a sad topic. But they do happen. Every time a loved one is lost I'm always there "being the strong one." What I mean is that lately, the family members and loved ones who have passed away are all related to my mom (siblings or friends) And my mom always breaks down. It's the saddest thing ever but I have to keep it together. ... For her. I hate seeing my mom hurt so much and I wish I could take her pain away. Id endure all her suffering if I could.... That's why I have to be her Rock. I have to. This past week I realized that I'm more than just a Rock....

After hearing that my uncle had passed away I tensed up and became my moms Rock. My dad gave me (his youngest kid) the important task of breaking it to her, because he trusts me when it comes to dealing with my moms emotions. She cried screamed and hugged. And at one point blamed me because while my uncle was in the hospital I had said "He might live a little longer." She took it to heart and yelled "pero tu dijiste que duraria!!" (my heart broke.)

Once funeral services were over (a few days later) and everyone went home I finally put away my Rock costume, broke down all my barriers and cried in the shower. (The one place where I am totally me, where I can trust my solitude and absolutely nothing is there to shield me, both physically and emotionally.) Sometimes that's the best way to deal with things. I felt all my moms pain and suffering in one moment. The fear behind her tears finally made sense.

The next day I woke up feeling OK. Life moves on and everything goes back to normal. :D Even my mom is doing Good. I love the responsibility of being her Rock. and I know I have the important task of transferring her fears and pain over to myself once everything is over. I dont mind as long as she can breathe easier. I would take any pain away from her any day. And a bit of self sacrifice is beautiful after all, - Pain is what she endured to bring me to the world.

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Comment by Marlett Mojica on January 18, 2012 at 1:01am

I know what you mean. When my uncle died i had to be there for my mom and sister and im the youngest one who lives in my home. I cried but i knew it was time to move on. This year has been hard without my uncle but i know i need to be strong for me and my sister.

Comment by Sonia Rangel on January 9, 2012 at 5:28pm

I know exactly how you feel. My uncle was kidnapped and killed on Christmas eve 2 years ago and it was heartbreaking for the whole family and my mother. It really is extremely sad to see the strongest person you know, breaking down in front of you crying. I honestly didn't know how to handle it like you did. It's something that I kinda changed my whole perspective in life and one of the reasons I came back to El Paso when I graduated college. I was really close to my uncle too but I also couldn't break down until I went out with my friends away from my mom. That year was very hard for my mother and even Christmas is just not something I really look forward to anymore without having to remember that awful day. But I did move on from it. It made me even more conscious of the never ending violence in Mexico and the lack of justice because everyone knows who killed my uncle and they are still loose on the streets. It's something I really don't like to talk about but is very much in my mind. I've moved on and realized that pain in life is inevitable. I'm glad you were there for your mom. I'm sure you helped her a lot and if you ever want to talk about it, you can come to me. :)


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