Getting diagnosed can either be stressful or relieving.
I've been absent from Latinitas for three weeks after collapsing from stomach pains and spending nights in the ER. What most would have assumed to be stress, what with countless final projects and finals approaching for the end of school, it could have been easily overlooked. And boy, did I want it to be overlooked.
We're kids. Even at the age of 17 I find myself dependent on my mother so I am still rightfully called a kid. I think all of us from a young age were threatened by our parents with the classic "stop crying or I'll take you to doctor." We've grown somewhat of a negative connotation of a doctor's visit.
And so these pains began as slight little pinches in my side or wherever they happened to land that day. They were easy to ignore and carry on with my day. But they got worse. They grew to hurt more, to last longer, and they stole my breath. Man, these pains were no joke and let me tell you, sitting here right now writing this, I wish I hadn't taken it as a joke for so long.
See, one negative connotation people associate with appointments is how tedious they become. I've had many problems in my health from a young age, from migraines to not being able to go to the bathroom (and I mean go, go.) There's countless blood tests and MRI's to check about everything and the chances of finding the solution seems to be getting dimmer and dimmer.
You need to communicate with your doctor. Tell them exactly where it hurts, how long its been hurting, and although it's a hard thing to explain, how it hurts. Try your best to associate the pain with something common like prickling sensations. My mistake is that I got jumbled trying to explain my stomach pains I kept trying to explain my past history with migraines and nausea and all of a sudden they're sending me in for a brain MRI. (In my defense, they did ask when i was half-unconscious.) Money and time wasted.
But, see here's the point I'm finally getting too. The "getting diagnosed" part. If you're scared and unsure, one piece of advice never surf the interwebs for answers! A good five minutes and I could have sworn I had cancer and some rare disease that only affects one percent of the population. It's easy to psych your self out.
Okay, so seriously. I have been so fed up with the testing and the no answers that I was actually hoping to just hear bad news so I could just get it over with. I waited, and waited. And ah, my friends, patience pays off in very curious ways.
I sat there. Once again staring at the paper covering the examination table as it creased under my weight, the words I had been hoping for (although, totally scared of to hear) "We think we've found something." I dared not look up, I was letting my mom deal with this one and plus, I was searching for a fast way to prepare my tired mind.
It turns out my liver isn't doing so good. Or so they think. After various blood test results they found a correlation. All of the things my liver had responsibility over were terrifyingly low all together. From my cholesterol to my phosphates, all the evidence pointed to the main suspect, the Lazy Liver.
I guess because I'm young, it is a hard thing to actually take in the seriousness of it. Sitting there and having a professional tell you your liver is close to shutting down and that could mean months, maybe years of living on a waiting list for a transplant, that stuff is hard to swallow. And although he told me there is still a lot I can do to reverse it and be much better off just by changing my diet strictly, our minds fall victim to well, being the victim. It concentrates a lot on the negativity and hardly remembers there were any positives thrown in there. It's like taking things for granted, I guess.
But just with everything else in my life, I've learned to take it with a grain of salt. We're all born with a cross to bear. A burden to carry. Some are bigger than others, but they're there nonetheless. To me being weak is to complain. Being strong is to appreciate. I will not waste my time in fits of anger wondering why on Earth this is happening to me, because with all honesty, it could always be worse. Instead, we should all take the time we do have taking care of ourselves.
I just want to take this time to say sorry to the ladies at the office for my absence. I'm trying to go back as soon as I'm allowed too! I love you all and I miss you all dearly! Please do take care.
Lots of love,