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Latinitas Real Life: Long Term Relationships

The week before finals I was shocked when my best friend called me and told me she was thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend. They had been together for three years and were practically inseparable. When I asked her why, she said as she looked at him now she would never date the person he had become. He had joined at fraternity and was trying much too hard to fit in. On top of that he had stopped appreciating her, and she no longer felt like she was of any real importance to him.

After that call I began to wonder about my own relationship. I had been with my signifiant other on and off since the summer of my freshman year in high school. However our relationship began to seem impossible when I left for college. All we ever did was fight. There was a very unhealthy jealousy in our relationship that kept any real trust from ever developing between us. On top of all the stress I had away from home, I still found myself trying to make our relationship work. When I returned and we spent some time together I knew the fire had finally burned out. I realized my relationship's expiration date had come. After much fuss, we ended things this week. Of course he is already seeing someone else. At first I felt hurt, lost, and very confused starting my life over without him.

I wondered... had we just settled? Were both me and my best friend, and our ex-boyfriends masking unhappiness because we were just used to each other? Are you settling too? So what draws the line? When has a long term relationship gone on for too long? 

When I asked my mother for advice she told me I was a creature of habit. I realized my selfishness and my fear of change had kept me from really venturing out and finding real happiness without him. I realize now I have no regrets, our relationship had taught me so much. Things won't be easy, but our struggles always transform into strengths. I have a new optimism now, and I'm excited to see where this new independence takes me. 

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Comment by Dominique Gonzalez on June 15, 2011 at 11:45am
Thank you Marisol and Amy! It's good to know I'm not the only one who has felt like this! There really is light at the the end of every dark tunnel! :)
Comment by Marisol Guzman on June 15, 2011 at 11:24am
Dominique, I LOVE this!! I too went through similar struggles when I ended a 3 and half year relationship with my high school sweetheart.  Throughout our relationship things were some-what healthy but as time went by and we got older, I felt we grew more and more apart. We both wanted different things for each other and I felt  I wasn't ready for what he wanted from me. We had been through a lot together but there came a time when I felt like I was with him because I needed to be and not because I wanted to be. In the end the break-up was very hard but we made out alive and well :) And I am not going to say that I didn't make mistakes in other relationships after that, because I most certainly did! But as cliche as this may sound, it is certainly true that we have to make mistakes in life so that we may grow and learn from them :) So Dom and Dom's friend, things may be pretty hard  for you two right now but keep pushing, there is always a bright light at the end of every tunnel ;D


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